Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Best of ‘09

Something that really made you grow this year. That made you go to your edge and then some. What made it the best challenge of the year for you?

Maintaining good friendships has always been a struggle for me. I give away too freely of myself, and in turn, certain friends walk all over me. The problem is, I don’t often realize it until it’s too late.

Just before 2009, my best friend (of 4 years) and I “broke up”. To make an incredibly long story short, once I started dating Stephen, this best friend grew incredibly jealous, and started making ridiculous demands of me. It got to the point where he sent me a nasty message on facebook and I had to call it quits. Obviously there’s a lot more to the story, but I’m not going to write it all out here. Even though this happened back in 2008, the aftermath is something I struggled with well into this year. What if I did the wrong thing? What if it all really was my fault like he said it was? I kept going over it in my mind and just could not let it go. Talking it over with my family, Stephen and two other friends made me realize certain things: I was much happier now than I had been in ages, and the friendship with the other guy was really just not right for me. I started realizing all of things that were wrong in our friendship: the things that I could have done better, and the things that he could have changed. Even though I have finally (!) made peace with the end of this friendship, it was a huge, and mostly silent, struggle for me for many months.

I’ve learned a lot about myself though. I’m stronger than I thought I was. I have more self worth than I realized. So when recently, a so called friend suddenly decided to “break up with me” for absolutely no reason, and through text no less, I let it go. Sure, I tried to work it out at first, but I quickly realized that she was looking for the wrong kind of attention and being a drama queen over absolutely nothing, I let her go. I can’t always be giving away everything that I have and taking nothing back in return, so if you’re not going to make this friendship work, and genuinely love me for who I am, we have to move on. It’s probably better for us both in the end.

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